I practice.

This is a story of good and evil. It reflects a little of what I did well today, and also a little of what I can improve upon. Triggered by a seemingly innocuous event (an email, of course), I drew on my evolving practice of mindful awareness.

I allowed.
When I swelled with feeling, emotion, and sensation, I allowed it to be. I sat with it.

I judged.
When I sat in my state of full emotion, I let my logical thinking mind take over. I started to connect dots and explain the root of emotion by past events. The sensory overload kept pushing me over my edge.

I let go.*
I eased my grip. I smiled. I loosened my jaw muscles (*not completely, but it’s a start…).

I attacked.
I filled my mind with non-sense thoughts by attacking my self worth.

I watched.
I practiced a mindful state. I listened to the sounds in the room, those that were closest to my physical body. I took in the visual stimuli next to me and by gazing out the window. I closed my eyes and was aware of my emotional state.

I breathed.
I began to find calm.

This is the practice: Allow. Let Go. Watch. Breathe. Repeat.

Postscript.
I am human, and I am not alone.
The in and out nature of clarity and cloudiness is natural. I have learned, however, that I need not live in a state of judgement and attack for prolonged periods of time. This realization reflects concentrated practice in mindfulness, meditation, and yoga. I am learning to make it through these cycles more quickly and with greater ease. I am thankful for my many teachers both on and off my yoga mat.