Showing up.

Showing up is important.
Not only showing up for other people,
but showing up for yourself.

Lately, I’ve been showing up for myself
by sharing my ideas.
By embracing the inevitable vulnerability of sharing
something personal–your art–
in a way that is open for public critique.

Preparing for a presentation to an international audience of
experts on theory, methods, and mathematics education research,
I found myself fastidiously creating an extra set of slides with my notes
ready for the inevitable disaster of a failed presentation.

Yet in walking to dinner the night before my talk,
I just started giving my talk – no slides, no notes,
I already knew it by heart.

So in showing up for myself, it was a matter of perspective.
I believe in my potential to share ideas in insightful ways.
It’s important to notice when our inner voice of doubt might
hamper an inner seed of creativity and expressive confidence.

It’s important to notice and to remain curious.

Another way I have been showing up for myself is in noticing the inner critique.
Sometimes the voice over shadows my presence — work more, do yoga in a studio, plan better, be more social, connect with others, buy a gift for the person you love, read that article, …
In noticing this inner voice, I can learn to not judge it, but simply welcome it, and remain curious.

From this place of curiosity…

I can practice yoga at home – without the “guilt” of it not being “good enough” because I’m not at a yoga studio.

I can write freely because I want to, not because I’m afraid of the consequences of not writing, or the judgement of others because of my choices.

I can take time to be at home, alone, without a social agenda and that is OK. Not every minute needs to be fixed and focused on goal-directed activity or socialization. It is OK to allow for free time to fluidly move in and out of tasks and to dos.

In learning to show up for myself, I am more attuned to showing up for others as well.

 

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