A light switch.

Someone once said they are not aiming for happiness in life, but rather, engagement in life. It now makes me wonder if this is my quest as well. Recently it seems as though I’ve been reaching for happiness but falling short. Never quite getting it right. From this refreshed perspective, maybe I’m not falling short at all, but rather just aiming for a different star.

Who am I to this world? To make a difference in ways that negatively affect others is a failure. I am struck by my persistence to be stuck in a sense of self-doubt, lacking clarity and self-worth. The same motivation that used to drive me to finish, now impedes my abiliy to make good decisions. Or maybe it has always been that way.

Like a light switch, my world is hung upside down at the perception of an attack on my being. Yet again my head is cast into a blunder, a dither, just plain dizzy. Self doubt is my biggest barrier. Fear is a close second. My light switch is sensitive, and am not sure how to fix it.

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